WORD ART by Carter Counts
“I’m tired of sitting here, man; everyone else is gonna be out of town for winter break, but we're stuck on campus,” Chip said.
“I get it, but there's not much we can do anyway. Most people are just going to go home; we only have a week off anyway,” Fred responded. Chip gets up, tired of sitting in the dorm room; he turns on the radio, hoping to hear something exciting. Some time went by, and the light in the room began to dim because it was almost evening. Drew bursts through the door; he's the random roommate of the group. Neither of them had met Drew until the beginning of this semester.
“Y'all wanna go get something to eat,” Drew shouted. The others agreed since they didn’t have much going on, and it was about time to get dinner. The roommates put their shoes on and start to head out the door. The others leave the room while Chip turns off the radio and lights. His ears begin to catch something.
He hears an ecstatic voice from the TV say, “Do you have nothing to do this winter break? Are you a student? Well, have you considered a free trip to Hawaii for just a small fee of $100 and a quick visit to our luxury condos while you explore the islands of Hawaii? Give us a call.” Chip immediately writes down the phone number to the ad he heard on the radio. He slips on his right shoe, which he almost forgot to put on, and rushes to the front of the dorm to meet Drew and Fred. The group gets into Fred's car and heads to PF Changs. Nothing is special about them going to PF Changs, besides the fact it’s the only thing Drew agrees to eat. Anything else is an automatic no.
“Table for three?” the waitress asked, then the waitress led them to their seats. Drew headed to the bathroom while the other two began to look over the menu.
“How about we go to Hawaii?” Chip blurted out randomly.
“I mean, I wish we could; it just seems to be something you must book in advance,” Fred said. Chip thinks about what to say back.
“I know it sounds far-fetched, but I heard an ad. All we have to do is check out this condo, and we can spend the rest of the time at the beach.” Fred's face starts to change; it seems like he starts to agree.
“I wrote down the number from the ad. I'll call them when we get back,” Chip said.
“Should we tell Drew?” Fred questioned.
“Let me check if we can even all go, then we will talk to Drew.” Fred agreed, and right after the conversation, Drew sat down. The group of roommates had a good time at PF Changs, especially Drew, then returned to the car and back onto campus to head to the dorm. Chip steps out to call the number he heard on the Ad. He called once, no response. Called twice, no response. Chip Called the third time, phone rustling
“Hello….” the other end of the line said.
“Oh hey, sorry for calling you so late, but I heard your ad on the radio and wondered if the vacation offer was still available?” There was silence for a few seconds; Chip started to get confused, as if he had called the wrong number.
“Oh yeahhh, rustling noises in the back, the offer is still available! You're the first to call!” Chip continued to talk with the man on the phone for about fifteen minutes; about every five minutes, Drew poked his head out the door to check on Chip. Chip knocks on the door, and Drew lets him in.
“Well?” Fred asked.
“We’re going to Hawaii,” Chip said.
“Wow, just like that, we're going to Hawaii, what about Drew?”
“Drew, you're coming too. They were looking for a group of three, and I called right before they took the ad off the radio.”
“Good, I need out of here. When do we leave?” Drew said.
“Tomorrow morning at 6 am, pack your bags and we will be out of here by about 4:30”. The group was surprised that this happened all so quickly, but nevertheless packed their things and went to sleep since the flight was so early.
“But guys, The guy on the phone seemed a little weird so don’t plan on getting your hopes up” Chip said. The rest of the group kind of ignored that, but who cares, they're going to Hawaii!
Beep Beep BeepChip rubbed his eyes and began to sit up; the clock showed 5:01 AM.
“Get Up!” Chip shouted. Somehow, they snoozed through the alarm for the past half an hour. The group ran to the community showers and flipped on the light to see a passed-out student on the floor, ignoring that they rushed to get ready and all bunched into the car by 5:14. It was about 40 degrees outside, near freezing. Fred put the keys into the ignition, and all he got back was the stuttering of the engine.
“Come on, man!” Fred shouts, banging on the wheel.
“There it goes.” the car starts to run, whatever is left under the hood sounds like a 12 volt fan, the hood of the car is shaking off the hinges. Fred backs out of the parking spot and speeds up toward the airport. Luckily, the airport had a valet, so the group didn’t have to worry about parking the car.
“Appreciate it!” Fred said as the group grabbed their bags and ran into the airport.
“Where are we supposed to go?” Drew asked, Chip pointed at the TSA precheck line.
“We can go on through as long as we keep the bags as carry-ons,” Chip said; luckily, they didn’t have many clothes because the roommates wash their clothes maybe once a week. The group went through the TSA Precheck line, had their bags passed through, and approached their gate.
“Our gate is 4B,” Chip said.
“Well, where are we now, it's 5:45; we have 10 minutes,” Fred added. By now, Drew wandered off to look at the map of the gates and returned to the group sprinting.
“It's on the other side of the airport; we have to take the train. Look, the gate over there says 20A.” No one said a word. They let their legs do the talking. They all made their way to the train to the other side of the airport. They squeezed into the train with 5 minutes until they closed boarding. A man beside Drew starts trying to sell him a pair of sunglasses, but Chip grabs him to get off the train.
“Go, go, go!” Chip said to the group. They went up the stairs rather than the escalator because no one else was in such a hurry. Running into the back of people, they managed to make it to their gate just as they closed the door. Drew screams,
“Wait up! We’re here!” They got the workers at the gates' attention. They quickly scanned their tickets and ran down the terminal to take a seat on the plane. The group now had time to catch up on some much-needed sleep.
The plane finally touches down in Hawaii, the group finally stretches out their legs to get off the plane. They're all covered in sweat, eyes barely open, rushing to exit the seats before the rest of the plane. Drew reaches for his bag from the overhead compartment but fumbles it, and it falls and explodes all over the aisle. The entire flight stares at Drew's collection of marbles as they roll all over the plane. Blue, Yellow, Green, Purple, Red, Orange, you name it, Drew has every color of marble. Drews is beginning to freak out,
“Damn it! My Marbles!” Drew yells with anger.
Fred begins trying to pick up his marbles; the whole group knows how important they are to Drew but doesn’t understand why he had to bring them. The flight attendant starts to help by picking up the marbles but throws them in the trash.
“We don’t have time for this, sorry,” the flight attendant said. Drew starts to attack the flight attendant. He whips out a banana and starts to swing. Fred holds him back, saying,
“It’s gonna be okay, Drew; it's not worth your time.” The group packs up the rest of Drew's things and makes its way towards the airport exit, trying to escape the public eye. A mob of airport security runs after the group. As the group runs away, Drew turns his head to scream “Better luck next time suckers!” at the airport security. Less than a second later. Drew turns back around and runs into the back of the kid in his wheelchair. Knocking the little boy off his lighting mcqueen wheelchair. Drew doesn’t have time to apologize. He picks up his bag and starts to run as someone nearby sees the situation, and yells “You monster”. Luckily, they run straight out the airport door and cram into a taxi van. “STEP ON IT!” Chip screams at the driver. Luckily for the group, the driver sped off right before the airport security could reach them.
By now everyone's hearts are pacing, everyones panting trying to catch their breath. Less than half an hour ago, everyone passed out asleep. Chip slides the driver a hundred-dollar bill for the rush, but the group approaches the hotel. Chip, Drew, and Fred are all pumped about their secluded getaway resort, but all the smiles on their faces fade. The driver lets them out at the curb of the hotel. Drew begins to freak out, steam flowing out his ears like a train, and throws the leaves out of his stuffed pocket. The hotel is crammed between a McDonald's and an ABC store. The hotel looks about two stories tall and twenty feet wide at best. The receptionist walks out of the hotel to welcome them; he hands Chip and Fred two leis and a water bottle for Drew. They walk into the supposed four-star resort, and a massive whiff of vinegar strikes everyone's nose after a step through the door. The walls are badly stained, but at least there is one life-size portrait of Jimmy Buffet next to the “ocean side” view that just leads to a pond between the fast food chains surrounding the hotel. “God, this smells worse than cow poop!” Drew exclaimed.
“Yeah, four star hotel my butt.” Chip said begrudgingly.
They all met the man who talked to Chip on the phone. He was wearing a torn up pair of black slacks. He had a fedora covering his bald spot and about 17 fake gold chains around his neck. The buttons on his Hawaiian shirt were about to burst off him due to his protruding stomach. He had no shoes on, and his toenails were about five inches long. His shirt was almost fully unbuttoned, and you could see his thick, dark-haired chest that looked like a bush. He had a thick Middle Eastern accent, and his whole body smelt like burnt cigarettes.
“Hello, my friends! Welcome to paradise! My name is Jihad, and it is my utmost pleasure to be taking care of sweet, delicate little young boys.” Jihad said in a jubilous voice. All three of the boys looked at each other with a confused look.
Drew says, “Man, this ain't it at all. You must think we are some sort of fools for us to believe you run this hotel!”
Jihad replied, “Ah, my friend, this is the nicest place you will stay at here in Hawaii. We have luxuries no other hotel can compete with us. We have the best cooking, which my mom cooks for all of us. I have my three little kids to clean your room too!”
He brought out his kids to meet the three friends. Fred noticed that the oldest one was probably five years old at most while his two other little brothers were toddlers. With a stone-cold face, while pointing at Drew, the youngest child said, “sa'aqtul alghabia aladhi yusamuwnah darw 'athna' nawmih! (I will kill the stupid one which they call Drew in his sleep!)”
Drew says out loud, “ Aw guys! I think this kid likes me.”
Chip jokingly asked, “Well, what other things separate you from other hotels on the island?”
Jihad said in a proud tone, “ Ah! You see my sweet young little boy, we have something no other hotel has, and that is you get to sleep in the same room with the hotel owner!”
“And, who would that be?” Chip asked.
“Me! You silly little boy! I make my humus in my room, which is very good. How do you think I can stay in such good shape running such a nice facility as you are in now? We will also get to connect on a personal level. You all will be sleeping in a single bed with my beautiful wife, Maryam, and my three little kids, Ali, Aziz, and Abbas. You can also not forget the most important person of the entire building. My Nana!” exclaimed Jihad.
Fred asked, scared now, “Well, is the bed at least big?”
Jihad replied, “ Hahaha, no. It is the nicest twin-sized bed you will ever see in your lifetime, I promise you my friend! You all may have to sleep on top of each other or I can spoon you all so we can stay cozy and warm. No touching of the wife! She is for me only, fellas.”
All the guys laughed awkwardly at that all thinking this situation could not be real. They look at the stained walls. The cockroaches ran along the floorboards, slipping into the holes in the ceilings. The stench of cigarette smoke fills their nostrils while they hope there is another window to open and get some fresh air.
Jihad said excitedly, “We will now have dinner that my Grandma has prepared for you, all my family!” The roommates are in complete discomfort at this point. Jihad shows the group the way to the “Ball Room”. The ballroom was two small tables that could maybe fit two people pushed together, but instead, there was Jihad's whole extended family crowded around it with “plenty of room for the group”. The group was spared the luxury of having one “chair” that they could sit in. The chair was a pile of books, the books were all the same book, The “ Life of Pi”. They ignored that.
“Who’s ready for some of the finest cuisine on the island?” Jihad asked excitedly. Jihad helped the grandmas bring out one large crockpot of Chili. The group already looking at each other, Drew is about to cry and throw a full-on hissy fit. Chip and Fred try to keep their composure from what has already been the weirdest day of their lives.
“Dig in!” Jihad yells. The whole family jumps over the little table, scooping chili with their bowls and eating it with their bare hands.
Luckily for the roommates. Jihad yells, “STOP IT YOU ANIMALS!”. The room goes silent. adjusting his voice “Now, please give our lovely guests and fine gentlemen some of the chili”.
One of Jihad’s family members pushes the crockpot down towards the roommates, with just enough left for maybe one bowl. Drew scoops up the remaining chili for the group, and pushes the crockpot back toward the family. The whole family watches as Drew takes a bite. All eyes on Drew, but Drew just stares at it.
“Eat it” Jihad says with all seriousness as he stares across the table, looking into his soul.
“But” Drew squeezed out before Jihad interrupted him saying “No, BUT’s boy.
Drew finally takes a bite and says “Delicious!”. The family finally starts to eat the remains of the chili and stops looking at Drew. Drew vomits all under the table while Chip and Fred thank him for his bravery.
Some time goes by, the table starts to settle down. Chip asked, “ Do you not have any rooms that we could sleep in?”
Jihad said laughing, “Hahaha, no. We have two other rooms, but one is for my uncle Shallah, and the other is where we keep all our cheese and milk. God did say that they are the source of long-lasting beauty. I mean, look at this body! The average diet can simply not have this body at this age!”
Drew replies in protest to Chip and Fred, “OK, I do not want to stay here any longer, guys!” They all look at each other. There is a silence that fills the room stronger than the cigarette smoke. Jihad looks at the three friends and says, “ Well, the time is now eight o'clock, and I think we all should get a good night's rest for the big day tomorrow!”
The three friends look at each other with a confused look. “ What could we possibly be doing that requires us to go to bed so early, especially on vacation?” Chip exclaimed aggressively.
Jihad said to the three friends in a giddy voice, “OK! We are going to bed now. I can't wait to see who's the biggest spoon out of you three because I like to be a little spoon!”
The three friends looked at each other in disbelief, disgust, and awe because they couldn't believe what came out of that man’s mouth. They all get their bags and head down the hallway to the room. There is cheese everywhere. Bottles of half-drank milk that already has mold in it. The yellow walls with cigarette stains on them. The twin-size bed with pictures right on the nightstand of Jihad and his family. The stench of the room was so bad that Drew threw up in his mouth.
“Here is my castle; only the finest of kings can sleep in such a nice place as this,” said Jihad.
The three friends silently looked at each other in total shock of what they got themselves into. Without another choice, they all got ready for bed and got in the twin-sized bed with Jihad, his wife, and his three kids. The time was only 8:30 at night. The room was at least 91 degrees and was unbearable to sleep on. Chip was the smallest spoon. Fred was spooning Chip, Drew was spooning Fred, and then Jihad was spooning Drew. Jihad's kids were sleeping at the end of the bed. His wife was then just sleeping while standing up on the side of the bed. The three friends are all sweating, while Jihad seems perfectly fine. He was sleeping like a baby, practically. They all got up and whispered, “ Let’s get the hell out of here!” All the boys get up and pack their bags while Jihad is snoring peacefully. They tiptoe to the door, planning where they will try to stay. They can't get another ticket because it’s too expensive. The three boys agreed that they would rather sleep on park benches than sleep in Jihad’s “hotel.” The three boys are at the bedroom door, about to open it, until Drew lets out the biggest sneeze anyone has ever heard.
Jihad wakes up and says crazily, “ Oh no, my friends, you are not leaving. This is paradise on earth, and I will make sure you will stay in this paradise!”
The three friends bolt through the door, and they are in the lobby. They are panicking while Drew is crying. Jihad’s grandmother blocks the entrance while Jihad and his kids are behind the three best friends. They are all cornered. Everything seems hopeless, and it seems now that they are surrounded.
Until Drew screams, “I ain’t going out like this!” Drew then proceeds to viscously attack the grandma while Chip has to fight Jihad and Fred has to take care of the three little kids. Drew is going to town, landing his punches on the grandma’s face to the point where her dentures fall out because he is hitting with such force. Chip is getting destroyed by Jihad because every time he tries to hit the stomach, the punches bounce off of him. Jihad then punches him back and leg sweeps him. Fred starts kicking the kids in the faces and knocking them down, but they immediately get back up while there is foam coming from their mouths. They all jump on top of Fred, they scratch him, pull on his hair, bite at his legs and arms, and start shoving their little nimble fingers in his eyes. All seems lost until Drew remembers that Jihad loves cheese. Drew headbutts the grandma, knocking her unconscious while he rummages through his bed and finds a big block of Velveeta cheese. He keeps the block of cheese whenever he wants to stir up some of his famous hot dips. He throws the block in the air, and it lands on the floor next to Jihad. The family screams, “ CHEESE!” They all start getting on top of the cheese and ripping it apart, shoving it in their mouths.
The three friends run out of the door while the littlest kid gets out and yells, “'aerif 'ayn taeish ya duru! sawf 'ajiduk wa'unhi silalatak bi'akmilha! (I know where you live, Drew! I will find you and end your whole bloodline!)” Drew says to his friends while running in the middle of the street, “I’m gonna miss that little fella.”
A few days pass, the groups safely made it back to college. The groups laying around in the dorm room until Drew says “That was fun”. Both Chip and Fred agree. “I wish every week could be fun like that, kinda sucks it’s over” Chip says. All the boys look at eachother agreeing, then Drew stands up abruptly as if he has something meaningful to say. This could be huge for Drew, something finally worth hearing, or just something stupid. “Let’s Leave” Drew said with the most serious face of his entire life. The group doesn’t reply, Chip stands up too “I agree, I’m not ready to come back to school”. Chip and Drew already bought in with the idea of dropping out. Chip and Drew anxiously look at Fred. Freds hunched over on the side of the dorm room bed, hands interlaced, his right foot tapping the floor while he thought. “You know what, I’m in”.
Chip, Drew, and Fred went on to drop out of school, with hopes and dreams of traveling the world. That's exactly what they did! Unfortunately, that fun only lasted for a good six months until the group took their fourth trip to Madagascar. Drew got kidnapped by the cartel, Chip and Fred tried to get him back without paying the ransom. Long story short, they were fed to wild hyenas and that was the end of their fun. Stay in school!
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