Exodus

“Survive for me Takahashi, please I need to see you again after today.”

I’ll always remember those words, she said it so meaningfully. She calmed me before the storm had begun. Even her name soothes me, Jinsei, my ocean. Her eyes blue like the ocean so alive that they alone could keep me going. I haven’t seen them in a month, the last thing I said to her was a promise to survive this vicious war.

A month and a half ago, I received the news that I would be deployed to Abashiri, Japan, only a few hours away from where I live. Now I’m there, stationed at the coast, nothing to do all day but look at the calm deep blue ocean. The only memorabilia I brought with me was a picture of her. It’s cliche, but when I keep it by my heart, it calms me. My heart doesn’t pound so violently, and my teeth don’t jitter in fear for what is to come. I’m missioned to defend the coast from oncoming Americans that will raid us any day now. It could even be today, August 1st 1945.

As I am droning around my tent, where I sleep, I see Akari walk in. Akari is 18, almost half my age. I see a lot of my younger self in him. He had just joined the army, and hadn’t yet seen action on the battlefield. That’s what made him young more than anything else. He didn’t have to wake up from his nightmares, created by his own mind almost to punish him for what he’s done. He didn’t have to feel shame for possessing his own hands that have killed a mothers’ son and a wife’s ocean. His face was always bright and brought a kind of optimism to these harsh days. He’s the platoon clown. He’d tell a joke and make us all laugh and smile. His jokes didn’t even need to be funny for us to laugh at him; he’s just something everybody agrees we need around. He makes everyone disconnect from our current, short-handed situation.

“How’s it going?” Akari asks in a tone far too optimistic for our situation.

“It’s going” Me and my roommates tell him. We force a smile despite being certain at least half of us will die on any given day, but might as well keep the mood light.

“Well y'all don’t look good,” Akari said laughing.

“Y’all look like shit, unlike my pretty ass,”

“Boy if you keep lookin too pretty, I might just act up,” My roommate, Ryu, replied. Although I don’t necessarily support what he said, I admit me and the entire room started laughing. Akari even laughed, even though it was a more nervous laugh than anything and made his exit.

My tent is a small living space, around the size of an average living room. After so many months of living in one, you get used to the tough bed mattress that doesn’t sink a bit when you lay on it, and the smell of the dead rats in the corners of the floor. Clothes from my roommates are scattered throughout the room. Three people live with me, but the floor makes it look like I have six. Something gives me the feeling that it purposefully is made a bad living space though. Like they want us to want to die.

I walk outside to admire the ocean before I go to bed. It's calm, smoothly transitioning from one wave to the next. I can hear her voice, coming from the waters.

“Survive” I hear the whisper of her soothing voice.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to, not this time”, I say to her mourning at the inevitable breaking of my promise.

“I can’t go on without you”, her voice replies.

“You can run, you can hide…”

“I can’t live a coward”

“But you’ll live with me”

As I stare at one wave turn into another, the sky dark and in symphony I see the waves become violent. They attack each other in a fight for control, crashing together creating a massive collision shaking the ground below my feet.

I decide to leave and go to bed. I lay the sheet thin blanket over myself and try to go to bed. But something’s keeping me awake. A feeling. A feeling that made my hands shiver and my heart pound. I bring my locket of Jinsie closer toward my heart to calm me, but it continues. I can’t find a way to get any sleep, all I can do is shiver. An hour passes by, and then another and another.

That’s when I hear a boom. The floor shakes, waking my roommates. I shoot up restlessly and on edge. I can hear people running out of their tents in their battle gear, so I do the same.

“It’s time!” I yell at my roommates. I see Ryu already in his battle gear and we run outside together. There's around 50 container boats on the shore that came from massive battleships. More clashes and booms surround us, explosions cause dirt to fly all over the place getting into the crevices of my boots. Americans begin raiding the shores. I start aimlessly firing at them; shooting at a hoard of people. I run to take cover and as I lay down behind stacked dirt bricks, I see Akari. He’s just standing there frozen. His gun hanging on his shoulder, and water bottle on the floor. I yell at him “Take cover boy!”

He turns to me slowly, shaking violently, quivering and paler than any white man.

“I said take cover!”

Nothing.

“Please”

Nothing.

I keep yelling at him, crying and begging him to move. That’s when I see his hand raise toward me. He continues to shiver and as a tear rolls down is face he whispers,

“Help”

A bullet flies through his helmet and into his brain. His lifeless body flops to the ground creating a loud thud, that to me, was louder than any explosion around me. It's not like I’ve never seen a comrade die before, but this is different. Akari wasn’t ready for what came to him. He joined the war under the obligation to die for his country and nothing else. He wasn’t ready to die.

I drop my rifle and begin running away. Away from the war; away from the violence. Ryu begins to yell at me, to snap me out of it, but his voice is interrupted by a grenade at his feet and his voice suddenly disappears.

I begin to hear her whisper again.

Survive for me. Survive

I sprint as fast as I can and take cover in some dirt and I begin to barry myself in it, to hide my body. I leave a hole for my mouth and one of my eyes.

I want to sleep through what’s going on around me, but I can’t. No man can sleep through the deathly cries of his comrades as they’re wiped out one by one. It’s like sleeping with ghosts. Haunting me with regret, with shame. I want to scream, but I can’t or I’ll die for nothing.

Hours go by until the screaming stops, but the ghosts don’t fade from my mind. I know Akari and Ryu would be ashamed to have even known me. If all of them were still alive, I’d be treated as the leper. Chained to a corner so my cowardice doesn’t infect the others.

I begin to hear footsteps around me. I forgot Americans send out one or two soldiers to check the entirety of the enemy's base for any supplies they find useful after a battle. They also bring any prisoners they take during battle to find supplies quicker. I can hear their voices, two english and one japanese. I don’t know much english, but I can understand every other word or so. Through their dialogue, I can only get the word “where”. That’s when the japanese man began to mumble.

“Mah ma my legs, took…my DAMN legs”

I recognize this voice though. Ryu. It’s Ryu. They kept him alive to find our supplies. I can hear him talk some more.

“I’m not tellin you shit; kill me while I got my honor.”

Ryu probably knew less english than me, but I’m sure he knew what situation he was in, talk or die. They’ll kill him. He’s nothing but a time saver. Ryu is about to die in my presence for the second time in 24 hours. I can’t let that happen. We can both survive as long as I can be quiet about it. I have my pistol, but it’ll be too noisy. I’ll have to use my knife and get them both before they can fire a single bullet and bring any attention to us. I have to go now though before they do anything. Go, go, go. Survive, survive, survive. I spring up from the dirt like a dead man walking again. Taking them by surprise, I threw my first at the soldier farther from me. It hits him in the chest causing a small splatter of blood to fall on his comrade. The American hits the ground yelling in pain as I grab my last knife before the other soldier can quick draw his pistol and I stab him straight in the temple. The American I threw the knife at is still alive so I sprint toward him and stab him repeatedly vengefully brutalizing his face till it’s unrecognizable.

I’m done, it’s finished. We can survive. I look over at Ryu. His face in shock. As he stares at me, his shock turns into rage.

“YOU LEFT US TO DIE”

“You think you're getting away from this because of one moment of bravery?”

“LOOK AT ME…LOOK!”

“I’m…” I begin.

“No you don’t get to talk. Once we get back, I’m turning you in for what you did. You’ll be executed by your own hands”.

Ryu wasn’t lying. When he tells even a single Japanese civilian about what I did, word would spread and the government would undoubtedly execute me.

If he makes it back home, I die. If he lives, I die. If he dies I survive.

I pull out my pistol from the side pocket of my pants, and point it down at him. He smiles, blood running across his teeth. I can tell by his face that the Americans had been beating him to get the slightest bit of information out of him, but he wouldn’t talk. He was a man of honor and pride.

“Do it you bastard,” he said, posting his hands on the ground to bring his body as high as it can get.

I begin crying, facing the most difficult decision of my life. Do I value my life and my promise or do I end the life of a comrade? Somebody I have survived the war with. Somebody who I’ve joked with, ate with, and have talked about surviving through the whole war with. Would I be the one to destroy that goal? Not an enemy, but me.

I put my finger on the trigger.

Survive for me, you must survive.

“I’ll survive for you Jinsei, I’ll survive.”